If you work in silence and smartly plan the case and prepare your evidence which is rock solid, you will be okay. Just remember, regardless of what the picture below states - Judges and Magistrates are not stupid either.
Narcs are incredible liars and actors, but the truth has a miraculous way of unravelling itself at the most splendid time.
When you are escaping the narcissist and it ends in a court case, my best advise is this. Hit them with everything you have got, be truthful and factual with as much detail and evidence as possible.
You can do this. You just keep doing what you are doing. I am not telling you it is going to be easy, I am just saying it is very possible.
Having boundaries is important, especially for toxic people who don't respect them.
It is difficult to change your mindset and block all those who do not allow for any peace in your life.
You have to draw the line in order for you to regain your strength, you inner peace and to live the life you are intended. Toxic people will always be there and as far as I see it, you are not missing out on anything other than your inner peace.
It starts with you. No one else is going to help you get your life back. You have to take your life back.
If it means you change your email address, mobile number, ignore the door bell or delete your FB - it has to be done in order for them to stop the constant niggling. This will give your the chance to gain your confidence in saying "no" and being at peace with it.
The word "No" does not need to be explained to anybody. It ends there.
"Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect." - Anonymous
"There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don't yearn to reach out, but because they've tried and found no one who cares."
Food for thought: PEOPLE!
1. People are insecure, even when they say they not.
2. People will turn on you in a moment's notice.
3. People are only in your life for seasons. (it is very rare to have a lifelong relationship these days)
4. They offer time, but they don't offer much.
5. People will never agree to being wrong. Stop trying to make them see your side.
6. Most people associate with you because they want something from you.
7. You are not going to please everybody, so take a stand.
8. Stop caring so much for those who don't deserve it.
9. They do not want anything in their life disrupted even if you are in desperate need for their help. (support base)
I have learnt that there are only a handful of people that will go out of their way to help you in a time of need, most are people I never thought would help me. Today, I know who my real people are. That is NEVER a bad thing. Yes, it hurt.
When you realise that you are not going to get the support you need and deserve from your family and friends the quicker you will get on your feet.
It is ok to do this on your own. You are quite capable of doing it. Of course it is much easier to have a support base. Just because there isn't one does not mean you cannot stand up for yourself.
So, today I took a very big and brave step and went to the Magistrate's Court and opened up a protection order against one of the suspects.
Although I still have the regional case, it is imperative that I protect myself for the things that may still come my way, and yes of course I do not want a repeat of the things he has already done.
The thought of having him in court and being in the same room as him is quite upsetting but there is a time in life when we have to get through the difficult occasions in order to live the life we are intended and that is minus an abuser.
I also learnt something today. There is a vast difference between a protection order and an harassment order. Harassment order lasts only up to 5 years. A protection order is a lifetime of safety.
I was at court for a few hours because I completed the wrong form, so I had to rewrite the events over again which is why it took so long.
The staff at the Magistrate Court are friendly, trained and very professional. Overall it was not as daunting as I thought it would be.
If you are being abused by someone, I urge you to stand up for yourself and do what is necessary to be happy and whole again.
I wish you love and light.
Rise Up Against Gender Based Violence - SA - The Truth
Mind games are destructive and cruel tactics - do not do this to people and avoid having a narcissist do it to you. Know the signs.
People have probably been playing mind games from the beginning of time.
We play mind games because it makes us feel powerful and allows us to avoid taking responsibility for our feelings. The drawback of playing mind games is that you never really have an authentic relationship with people and thus never feel a deep loving connection that comes from honesty and trust.
Below are seven common mind games.
1 – Disqualifying. This is a method of saying something hurtful to someone and then, when they become hurt, doing a double-whammy by making it seem you didn’t at all mean what they thought you meant. You may say to someone, “Sometimes you’re so gullible.” If the person becomes hurt (which you consciously or unconsciously want), you reply, “Oh, I was just joking. Sometimes you’re so over-sensitive.” Not only do you hurt them once, but you hurt them twice, by disqualifying what you first said and then insulting them. This can make the other person both angry and confused.
2 – Forgetting. Passive-aggressive personalities play this game. Basically they forget important things like appointments, promises, paying back loans and the like. You wait for them to remember but they don’t, and when you bring it up they reply, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I forgot.” After having to bring it up several times you start to get annoyed. Then they reply, “Oh, I’m really sorry. Are you angry? You seem angry.” If you ask them if they’re angry at you, they protest, “Oh, God no. If I were I’d tell you.” They make you feel that you’re angry over nothing, which makes you more angry. This is how they “dump” their anger onto you without giving you a chance to voice your own anger.
Everything you need to know about Domestic Violence in South Africa.
All the forms you will need to apply for protection orders, medical examination and more.
What is revenge porn? Why is it so important to us? What you can do if you are a victim of revenge porn.
What is Cybercrime & Cyber Harassment? What you can do if you are a victim.
Everything you need to know about narcissism & narcissistic abuse.
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Silent Rights SA, a partner to RADV-SA who stand against Domestic Violence & GBV.